The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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