I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
