I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
