so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
