I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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