Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
