I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
