I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
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