So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
