I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Drunk is a universal language darling
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