My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
