when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
