Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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