I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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