you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
