i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
