I puked a lego.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We need to rekindle our bromance
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize