Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
