The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
