Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
