I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
