im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
