You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
