I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
