Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
