I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
