so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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