Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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