I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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