Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think I died a long time ago.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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