oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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