something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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