Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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