Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
