Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
