I want to have your abortion
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
