i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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