Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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