you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize