I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
