you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
