do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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