Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Why is your signature on my underwear?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
