so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
