If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
