I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
