Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
