Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize