Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think I sprained my soul last night
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
