My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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