sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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