6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
