It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
