Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize