Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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