party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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