Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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