The maid of honor just puked.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
