when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
