tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Don't tell me you're on acid again
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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