lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
