Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We need to get me chipped asap
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
