I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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