Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize