So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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