please come you make the beer taste better
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
