I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
