i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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