Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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