we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
We got so high we made milksteak
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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