Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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