Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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