I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
