How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm always down for nudity.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
