I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
