Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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