Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
