i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
