i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
