im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize