I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize