Little spoons don't ask big questions
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
