remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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