Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
