It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
