i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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