i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
