Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
