Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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