I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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