Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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