Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
