and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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