Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Randomize
