OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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