I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
