i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
