Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
