hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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