hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
