I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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