It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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