and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
