can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
