I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Girls should come with a carfax report
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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