I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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