??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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